Tonight after the Day From Hell I walked over to the local Safeway for milk ..because I must have milk and I’ve gone without any for days because I’ve been too tired and too sick to deal with grocery store nonsense.
So, anyways, as I’m standing all semi-comatose at the checkout stand the checker practically screams at me in one giant fucking machine-gun blast of a speech congratulationsmrsexbeloved’slastname!you’vewonafreescratcher.doyouknowhow toplayscratcher?Youscratchoffoneballfromeachcolumnandifyouhave100yards youscratchthisthinghereandseeifyouwin.
Then she flashed me the official (and Chucky-like) Safeway Smile as she thrust it at me, not only severely encroaching on my Personal Space but also knocking me into Habbaniceday, the wee Guatemalan bagger.
Checker lady did not seem to notice me flipping over Habbaniceday like a pommel horse, or the blood squirting out my ears from her scratcher speech. But she did ask me if I needed help out …with my quart of milk. I said “no, but thank you for the aneurysm”.
As I was walking out the twelve year-old store manager was ordering an employee to spy on the others and report to him any suspect activity.He said "I just need to know, it's not like I'm asking you to be a rat”.
I said “more like a narc” as I stumbled past him towards the door.
He said a very not-even-a-real-laugh heh, like literally he said “heh”.
I said “a stool pigeon ..a mole ..a punk”. Then I said “that’s for that fucking free scratcher” .
And when I got home I had a lovely glass of milk.